The Wind in the Breeze: A Fictional Account of the True Life Story About Prostitutes, and the Man Who Loved Killing Them

Dear Police Investigators:

Hey there!

It’s me, Jack. Most people know me better as Jack the Ripper. I’m not really sure how “the ripper” became a part of my name, but I strongly suspect it’s related to my love of murdering prostitutes by slitting their throats and cutting out their organs. There’s no way of knowing for sure.

It’s kind of funny, but “Jack” isn’t even my real name. At least not as far as anyone knows. People just call me Jack because, well, they have nothing better to call me. How great would it be though if my name really was Jack? (it’s not) That would be great.

I have to admit, “Jack the Ripper” sounds way better than “Chester Billingsworth Jr. the deranged prostitute slayer.” NOT THAT CHESTER BILLINGSWORTH JR. IS MY REAL NAME SO DON’T THINK THAT AT ALL. Jack the Ripper just has a nice ring to it. Kind of maniacal, yet snappy and straight to the point. Who am I and what do I do? I’m Jack, and I rip people (up), but only if you’re a prostitute.

There are a lot of theories floating out there about me. And thankfully, none of the theories mention a banker by the name of Chester Billingsworth Jr. who lives on Chicksand Street. This person, who I’m definitely not and who is definitely completely innocent, is in no way connected to the terrible, terrible murders of at least five prostitutes (that they’ve found, HAHAHA).

I’ve never met Chester because I’ve been too busy finding prostitutes to kill. It’s not easy. You’d be surprised at how hard it is to get them to sit still while you viciously and literally rip them to shreds. They always try to scream and run. It’s like, you’re not going to get away. You’re going to die either way, so why not make it easier on me?

Anyway, like I was saying, I’ve never met this Mr. Billingsworth Jr., but I would wager that he probably really doesn’t need a police investigation into his life right now. He’s a very successful banker who could be disgraced by allegations that he’s a serial killer! Especially considering his pending trial for embezzlement!

Plus, I would guess based on absolutely no knowledge of him whatsoever, that as a successful banker he is probably married to a beautiful woman. Sure, sometimes she’s probably a bit insane, and it makes him so frustrated he wants to slit her throat and rip her organs out. But as a responsible adult, he just needs to take a nice relaxing stroll around the block to calm down. A stroll, during which, by the way, he wouldn’t murder a single prostitute.

And don’t even get him started on his kids, if he has any, which he may or may not. Seriously, there’s no way I, Jack the Ripper, could know whether or not some stranger by the name of Chester Billingsworth Jr. has kids that he’s grown to despise. But if I did know him, and he told me about how much he dislikes his children, I wouldn’t be at all shocked to learn that he sometimes imagines himself drowning them. For instance, he could (or could not, no way for me to tell) have a son named Colin who’s just miserable to live with. Little Colin, perhaps, likes to break into his father’s liquor cabinet in the middle of the night and smash his father’s most expensive bottle of scotch. Boy, if I was him (which I’m not), and this happened to me, I would need an outlet to vent my anger. A peaceful, constructive outlet, that wasn’t at all murderous and had little, if anything, to do with prostitutes.

So, I’m just writing to tell you that if you’re thinking about making Chester Billingsworth Jr. a suspect in the Whitechapel Murders, or if any evidence comes to light which may cast suspicion on Chester for any reason, you can go ahead and ignore it, because he’s not me. I just wanted to clear this up before any mistakes were made on your part. I wouldn’t want you to waste your time investigating a man who’s clearly innocent, just because he might have lost some personal article, like a gold-plated watch engraved with his name and address, near one of the murder scenes.

There’s no reason to think that such a watch is in any way connected with me, Jack the Ripper (who is certainly not Chester Billingsworth Jr.). It probably got there by an accident unrelated to murder! If a watch matching this description is found, please return it to Chester, as it has great sentimental value. Please also understand that the circumstances in which it came to be lost so near the crime scene, and possibly on the corpse itself, are purely coincidental.

In conclusion: I am Jack the Ripper, and I am not Chester Billingsworth Jr.; we are two different people with different faces and everything! There’s no reason to get us confused with each other. Also, I want my watch back. I mean, Chester, if he did indeed lose his watch and you happen to find it while investigating a series of prostitutes being murdered, wants his watch back.

Sincerely,

The real Jack the Ripper who is in no way connected to Chester Billingsworth Jr.

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